The reason I have been (little) frustated and ineffective is because I don’t (yet) know how to be effective with non engineering/organizational work. It is not because I am lazy or indisciplined. I am perfectly capable of being disciplined and giving it whatever it takes, if I know this is what it takes. It if you don’t know that, it makes sense to look back and think again about the problem. That’s what my brain and body had been telling me, and I was interpreting it as me being lazy.
Your lazyiness is a signal, your pain is a signal. Listen to yourself.